bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
