I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
