When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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