I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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