My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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