Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
