that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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