sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
