i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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