I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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