You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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