She tied me up with her honor cords...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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