I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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