so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
soo... how was my night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
