is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
