i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
