i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
