i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
