It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
