Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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