It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I lost the right to judge tonight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
