Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
