exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
