I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
