He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
