I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
