I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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