i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
