Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
