its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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