I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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