he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
