You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
