does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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