also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
