we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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