I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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