There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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