Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.