You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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