Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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