I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
