It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
