Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
