The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
