I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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