I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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