is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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