i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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