The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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