she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
