Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
