Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
