Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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