I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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