The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
