Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
