i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
