I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
