I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
