i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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