It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize